My Life.
Posted: February 17, 2011 Filed under: Personal 3 Comments »I was featured on tinychant.com/thatwife (every wednesday at 7pm MST) and was able to talk to and answer questions from some really great bloggers. They told me I need to blog more. I have been planning on it, but haven’t quite got the courage to do it yet.
I want people to take me seriously. I want to be professional. But I want to just be myself. So here I am. A 21 year old who is having a hard time with life. If you were to meet me in real you might think that my life is perfect. I am amazing at putting on a happy face and pretending like everything is great. It has become a habit that I don’t even think about. I have had a lot of health problems for the last five years and I just keep getting worse. No doctor can seem to figure out what is wrong with me. I have been so sick lately that I had to defer for the semester and I am not doing any photography jobs. I have been getting everything ready for when I feel better to grow my business. I am able to contract out for my dad’s business and research doctors to try and really get this taken care of.
I feel like I am showing it all here. So this is a picture from Christmas of me ready to go snowmobiling. Straight-up me. No hair & make-up.
I go through cycles of self-pity to “everyone has issues, it is fine.” I am working on always focusing on the positive. Everyone really does have their own issues, mine aren’t any worse than others’.
I have a really great apartment. I have some really great friends who just happen to live outside of Salt Lake City. I have an amazing family, and the cutest nephew T1. I have an amazing relationship with my mom, dad, and sister. I talk to my mom frequently about pretty much everything. I am able to work on finishing my degree. I have an amazing camera to use for my passion. I have a walk-in-closet, ooo how I love that. I have tons of shoes, which are an obsession of mine. I have a great cousin I love to talk to. I have great hair that will cooperate and do what I want it to do. I have so much. But the most important thing I have is my husband.
I have been married for a year and a half. My husband has been here for me every moment I needed him to listen as I complained about the pain I was in or how nauseous I was. He has been there to help me do the things I need to get better. He sacrifices a lot for me. He is constantly asking if he can do anything for me to make me feel a bit better. He knows when I am in pain even when I try to hide it. I am so beyond happy that I married him when I did. I have needed him this last year and a half as I have progressively gotten worse.
So that is my life. I don’t like to talk about my health problems because I don’t want people to just pity me. I don’t want sympathy either. I want to be normal. I want people to treat me like I am completely normal, not like I am broken. I want to be an amazing photographer. I want to be able to work with amazing clients who have the same vision as I do. I want to be a high fashion wedding photographer (who does some fashion on the side). I want to learn to always be happy because life isn’t perfect. It really is an adventure. And I love it.
Thank you for sharing that, Shay. It’s a brave thing to admit that life isn’t easy when we all try and pretend that it is. No pity here, just love and sympathy. And you do have so many wonderful blessings, one of the greatest ones recognizing the fact that you do have them! Plus you are gorgeous, as that picture so perfectly displays. Hang in there, sweetie! And come down here to Disneyland and SB for some sunshine. It’ll do you some good! XOXO
Thanks for sharing! I would love to read more about your story – I hope you continue to build your blog.
Wow, you actually made me cry with this post! I am a That Wife reader who often checks this blog to see what you’re up to, so I agree that I’d love to see you blog more.
I know exactly how you feel. I have struggled terribly with sickness for years and am only now on the mend. I tried and failed to start my photography business properly in 2009 and 2010 because I wanted it so badly and didn’t have the strength to get there. The biggest lesson I learned is that things happen in the right order. Focus on your health, then the business will follow. It’s been the same for me and I am only now starting to make gains little by little after all this time.
You are so fortunate to have a husband and family that cares for you. I had family that cared and an awful partner who broke me down more and more every day. I left him last year and went home, got better with the people I loved around me, and turned around to find a wonderful man who cares deeply and fosters my dreams, making them his own. You are halfway there with your husband by your side, and the fact that you know that shows that you have positivity on your side too.
Feel free to shoot me an email if you’d ever like to vent to someone who truly understands where you are coming from. I also have the same goal – wedding photography with a high fashion bent as well as fashion photography work on the side! :)